Author: david@trustedge.com

To the extent that one shares meaning with another, the two parties communicated. Anyone familiar with the academic side of communication can tell you, it’s very difficult for any two people, much less groups, to accurately convey meaning to one another. Our minds are too filled with our own assumptions. For example, suppose I asked you to think of a person riding a horse. Some of you, by virtue of your background or imagination, might picture a cowboy galloping through the mountains. Others of you might instinctively envision a girl, jumping gates in an arena. Your mind’s eye colors things differently than others based on your experiences. No two people ever perfectly communicate. However, the more clearly we communicate, the greater the ability to trust.

Clear communication is difficult for another reason. Some studies suggest that over 90% of the meaning we derive comes from non-verbal cues that one person gives to another. That means only 10% of communication is based on words we say! Clear communication is work. As Bill Gates said, “The vision is really about empowering workers, giving them all the information about what’s going on so they can do a lot more than they’ve done in the past.”

Tips for Being a Clear Communicator:

• Listen.
• Empathize.
• Avoid manipulation. Don’t overstate or understate.
• Speak honestly and without exaggeration.
• Stay focused and avoid distractions.
• Ask questions.
• Glean information from the non-verbal communication.
• Keep an open mind and do not jump to conclusions.
• Do not criticize.
• Simplify the complicated.
• First seek to understand, and then to be understood.
• Mean what you say.

Who do you trust more, firefighters or mortgage brokers? Librarians or lawyers? Nurses or salespeople? One of the biggest reasons for trust is the perception that someone is concerned beyond themselves for the good of the whole. Firefighters and nurses care for others by nature of their jobs. But we wonder if the salesperson really has our best interest in mind. Don’t worry if you are in a less trusted line of work. Resolve to be among the trusted in your field. Show that you think beyond yourself; you will be unique and successful in your industry.

Do not underestimate the bottom-line impact of compassion. The ability to show care, empathy, and compassion is a heavy component of trust. The ability is rooted in two long-standing virtues. The first is being able to “walk in someone else’s shoes” and understand things from his or her experience. The second is continually acting out, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” On a basic level, the link between care and trust is fundamental. The aphorism is true; “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Though Milton Freidman famously claimed in 1970 that the social responsibility of business is to increase profits, things have changed. Forty years later people want to do business with those who have concern for the whole of humanity. President and CEO of the world’s largest independent PR firm and trust researcher, Richard Edelman noted, “We’ve moved from a shareholder to a stakeholder world in which business must recast its role to act in the public’s interest as well as for private gain.”(www.edelman.com/trust/2009). Even Adam Smith, the father of modern economics, acknowledged that the ultimate goal of business is not to make a profit. “Profit is the reward one gets for serving the general welfare,” according to Author and Professor Walter Wink in his article Globilization and Empire: We Have Met the Evil Empire and it is US.

No matter your profession, challenge yourself to start thinking like the customer, patient, client, congregation member, or student. Think of their needs and their challenges. Care about THEM. Give them a great experience. Make them feel valued. Not only is it fun and self-gratifying, but it will also help you gain The Trust Edge.

Growing up on the farm as the youngest of six kids, I learned how to eat fast, talk fast, and interrupt my siblings. Listening has not always come easily to me, and I’m not alone. Listening is a fundamental skill of genuine success, and it’s hard to be great or trusted without it. The benefits of listening include more trust, better understanding, stronger marriages, happier kids, and increased respect at work. Still, being a good listener is hard work!

I learned a great lesson while talking with one of my closest friends. He was telling me about something troubling him in a hallway during the lunch hour. Several people passed by us, stopping to say hello along the way. Each time, even as my friend continued talking, I would look up and speak a friendly greeting. Finally, after a few of these interruptions, my friend simply stopped talking and said, “You don’t care. You are not listening to what I am saying.” What he said permanently changed my outlook on listening. He was absolutely right, and I knew it immediately. Rather than focus on his words, I was showing him he wasn’t worthy of my attention. Bad listening habits aren’t just rude; they are expensive. To this day, I’m grateful for his candor, because listening is such an important factor in gaining someone’s trust.

I will never forget being in the boardroom for a staff meeting at one of my first jobs. The meeting was supposed to be an opportunity to deal with new business, talk through current issues, and raise any concerns. During the meeting I got a firsthand look at the impact listening has on personal trust and credibility. The board director, brilliant in many parts of running an organization, was wrapping up the session. With everything else on the agenda complete, he asked if there was anything else to discuss. Before anyone could answer, he turned his back to the staff, left the room, and let the door slam shut behind him. All the faces in the room were full of disbelief. I knew there were some who wanted to discuss a specific problem. The director lost his team that day. The director was competent and committed to his job but was not fully trusted. An unwillingness to listen is one of the fastest trust killers.

8 Tips for Effective Listening:

When done genuinely and appropriately, the following will increase communications and trust.

1. Keep eye contact. Look at the person talking. You’ll have an easier time paying attention, and they’ll be grateful for your focus.
2. Listen with your body. Nod and gesture with your hands to show you’re keyed in to what the other person is saying. Make sure your posture and movements don’t suggest you’re bored or restless.
3. Practice patience. When someone is speaking to you, resist the urge to have something ready to say in return. Listen carefully to what they’re saying before answering.
4. Empathize. Listening isn’t just about the message. Intent and context are important, so try to make a habit of seeing things from their point of view. Try to really put your feet in the speaker’s shoes. Avoid comments like, “I totally understand what you are going through.”
5. No one completely understands what someone else is going through. When we acknowledge that fact, our credibility as a listener goes way up.
6. Be present. Ask, “Am I present in this conversation?” Keep your focus on track.
7. Avoid answering the electronic interrupter. The phone, PDA, or email can be a useful means of communication. But if you are with someone, taking an interruption is one of the fastest ways to show you don’t really care about him or her.
8. Hold one conversation at a time.

My grandmother was known for reading a book a day. I’m not exaggerating! As a matter of fact, she is famous in our family for reading all of the books in two libraries! She had the habit of waking at 4:00 in the morning to have quiet time to read. Grandma Esther loved to learn. Imagine what you could learn just by intentionally reserving time each day to read. I hope to instill this love of reading in my children as well.

Leadership expert, John C. Maxwell says, “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.” One of the outstanding leaders I know is Nate Parks. Whether he is taking his kids to an activity or waiting for the gas tank to fill, he always has a book with him. By having the reading material with him at all times, looking for chances to read a few more pages, Nate reads many books a year. Mrs. Klein, my daughter’s kindergarten teacher wisely said, “Reading is critical because in the first three years of school, one learns to read. After that, one reads to learn.”

Maybe getting up at 4:00 isn’t an option for you, but here are some tips to help you get some reading done.

• Keep a book with you whenever you can
• Read everywhere you can. This means on the bus, while waiting in line, or any time that you get a few minutes.
• Take a little time to read before bed, it can help you relax.
• Read different types of books. Mix it up.
• Learning how to speed read can be helpful but reading too fast can lead to decreased comprehension.

I have seen time and again how the committed take responsibility for their actions. In our high-litigation culture, there’s always someone else to blame. It can be easy to point the finger at suppliers, underlings, partners, and managers that just can’t seem to get things right. I have yet to meet this mass of completely incompetent workers, which leads me to think we might be trying to steer some of the fault away from where it belongs–on ourselves. Deflecting blame is no way to build trust. Not only is owning up to our actions the right thing to do, but it can often overcome negative consequences. For an example, we needn’t look any farther than former Navy sub commander Scott Waddle, whose ship collided with a Japanese fishing boat, killing nine civilians. Although an investigation determined that some of his men had made errors, Captain Waddle took responsibility for the incident. While he was reprimanded for the accident, he has been largely regarded as a hero for taking full responsibility for his actions and the actions of his crew, never once diverting any criticism to them.

Great leaders take responsibility. This lesson is hard for many to learn. Major League Baseball buried itself more deeply under a scandal surrounding the use of illegal steroids. As the media dug in its claws, an interesting trend emerged: The players who have been forthright with their wrongdoings have, by and large, been forgiven. In fact, a few have been praised for their integrity and candor. Imagine that a group of icons, shown to have broken the rules, are vindicated simply by coming clean. On the other hand, some players have been unwavering in their denials, even in the face of overwhelming evidence and testimony. Some may even face criminal and obstruction charges. While everyone has the right to clear his or her name if wrongly accused, being honest in the first place is the right thing to do.